The Absolutely Don’t Do This Gift Guide

Don’t give live animals! (Folks, this ain’t really a stable.)

Don’t give a “gift” that is just going to get thrown out right away

Don’t give a “gift” that says something mean or judgmental about the giftee

No whoopee cushions except for 8-year-old boys (do they make biodegradable ones?)

Remember that “smells like Christmas” is often code for “smells like Pinesol”

Re-gifting is okay. Re-gifting something to the person who gave it to you in the first place isn’t.

If it costs $40/month to keep the gift going, it’s not much of a gift [i.e. beware the gifts that cost more to have than to give].

No but seriously don’t give live animals.

Taxidermy might be okay, though. 

Cute, but not an ideal Christmas present. Except for me.

Cute, but not an ideal Christmas present. Except for me.

If you want to give someone a goat, try this kind.

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